I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
