I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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