Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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