i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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