No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
