First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
