My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
