Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
