How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
