apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize