I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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