We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
