It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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