I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
