I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
from now on my penis is your penis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize