quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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