plz talk dirty to me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
