I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
