my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dick very happy bro
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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