....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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