I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
