How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
