I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bring money and cleavage
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
