Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
