Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
