I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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