Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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