exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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