You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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