Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
