Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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