My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
