Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
