THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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