Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
