Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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