Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
