The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
