We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
