You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
