i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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