I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
