just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
