Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
