Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
