I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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