just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize