he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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