Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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