Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
