Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
