YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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