Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
