i already hear my dad disowning me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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