remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
