Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
