We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
