This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
