just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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