I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
