Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
