you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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