3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
