dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
