You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
