Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
