I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
