Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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