yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize