my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
