the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
