office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
