he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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