Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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