His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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