Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
