Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
