I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize