You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
