yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ttyl tear gas
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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