I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize