you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
