It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
