Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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