dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
