one two three fourrrrnication!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize