marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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