I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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