Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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