You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize