new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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