Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
