Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
