i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
