Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
