Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
