How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
