please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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