i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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