why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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