i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize