You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So vagazzling was a success
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize