there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
